The File

Dutch words are always so logical. Hospital = Sickhouse, gloves = handshoes, vacuum cleaner = dustsucker.  Traffic jam = File.  I spend about 3 hours in a traffic jam every day.  I guess a jam is just as descriptive as file but if look at the lines of cars on the freeway then it is more like a file.   I spend so much time in the ‘File’ that I have plenty of time to think about language and life.  I’m a regular ‘File’-Philospher.

Life has been good this year. Last month I travelled back to New Zealand to see my Mum and Dad where they met their grandson for the first time.   My son, Thomas, also turned one.  Therefore when we arrived we had a Christmas/Birthday party all rolled into one.  It was nice to be home  again.

My hometown of Christchurch has literally fallen down since I last visited. A trip into the city centre shocked me because there were just gaping holes where the city used to be.  A drive through the earthquake effected suburbs was depressing as it is all just grass with carefully planted trees marking out squares where back yards used to be.  Everyone now is a geology expert and the App ‘Geonet’  will tell you how many minutes ago the last earthquake was.  There is a quake every few minutes.  Despite my shock, I am happy to see NZ’ers are fiercely proud and have shown resilience by continuing to rebuild and renew the city. It really is a beautiful country.

Thomas met all my family in NZ and all my friends in Melbourne. He played with their kids and had a fantastic time.  I forgot about the therapists and doctor’s visits at home and enjoyed each day.  I didn’t catastrophize about his uncertain future.  Thomas is still a SWAN (syndrome without a name) and he is developmentally delayed.  He has hypotonia and therefore he has weak muscles.  Especially his upper body.  The only thing we can do is help is go to therapy and hope he slowly gets there.  My facebook group for hypotonia, uses the term inchstones.  I love it.   Most proud mums are gushing their baby walked at 10 months, talked at a year etc,  but we celebrate when our baby finally puts their arms around us, sits up, has a break through at therapy.  It really is reassuring for me when development is painfully slow.

Yesterday I was reading the same book for the millionth time with Thomas.  It was the first time he turned the pages for me.  His little shaky hands couldn’t wait to turn the page then when he got to the end he was so proud!!  He has the same look when he is standing and we are holding him. He is so proud that he is standing, although he has absolutely no desire to move from the standing position!

Next week we go to the hospital for a small operation. Thomas has a slight hypospadias.  Although this is a routine operation (1 in 6 boys have this) it warrants a 2 night stay at the hospital and one of us must stay at Ronald McDonald house.  So I was enjoying a brief break from the hospitals but now we are back in the thick of it.  I have several questions for the children’s neurologist so hopefully I can track one down when I am there.

My therapist recommended I read a book by Brene Brown, called The gift of imperfection.  She thought I might connect with the message.  I don’t think I connected with the message but more with the author.  I realized that I’d like to call last year ‘A spiritual awakening’ as opposed to a mental meltdown and perhaps I should stop setting my goals so high.  So I have stopped trying so hard to be something I think I should be and start doing more for me.  Winter is so depressing that it is helping me to achieve this goal.  I am enjoying quiet nights in with Netflix and planning my summer holidays!

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