I am back at work after 6 months maternity leave and I must say it isn’t bad. I missed being able to focus on work (not what I need to do around the house)and have contact with other Mothers! In Holland they don’t have mothers groups and I am an expat so a network of friends is hard to create.
When I am feeling like the only one who’s baby missed his milestones and is having to go through MRI’s and endless doctors visits, there are actually others at work who went through the same thing. What a relief it is to hear other peoples stories. I was starting to feel a little hopeless about the hospital visits and the progress my son was making.
We have a great Nanny who is everything we wanted and more. The nanny leaves us a cute diary of what my little boy has done all day and even gifts from him. Last week she had printed his foot on a glass and painted it and gave it to us as a present!
On the days I am at home it is an endless cycle of housework and visiting doctors and physios.
My son was deemed a failure to thrive baby and has Tracheomalacia (breathing problem) so he hasn’t had the best start in life. Yesterday we were at the paediatrician and were excited to show her all the progress he has made and how he is fattening up.
She was super stoked at his growth but never is really happy at everything. I am constantly analysing and guessing what she is saying and thinking. The other reason we were there was for her to refer us to the head doctor. Due to Thomas lying flat on his back for three months he has a super obvious flat head.
We have had physio for the last three months and we constantly hold him but we can’t stop him sleeping on the back of his head at night. We raised this many times with the physio and she measured it and called the hospital to see if we can arrange a helmet.
This was at 5 months. Yesterday when he saw the head doctor he was 6 months 2 weeks. The doctor said we should measure him up at the hospital and decide whether we wanted one as a helmet is for purely cosmetic reasons only, despite him having a severely flat head.
In no way did she even slightly push us to get one. I sat there vaguely listening to her and put myself in my sons shoes at age 15. He would want a helmet.
I have spent a night thinking about helmets and researching other peoples stories. I am now really upset that I let it go this long. All the while I was taking a ‘wait and see’ approach to his head rounding out because the doctors assured us as he does more tummy time and sitting time it would round out on its own. It didn’t, it got worse. Note: when it is severe it doesn’t go away on its own. His hair won’t cover it, ever.
So today I am feeling Mother guilt. My husband and the Nanny went to the hospital to get him measured whilst I sat at work thinking about it. My husband (biggest optimist ever) took the news extremely hard. He convinced himself the head was getting rounder and Thomas wouldn’t need a helmet.
It had actually gotten worse. I’m feeling bad about not getting to go and get him measured and I’m feeling bad that the Nanny had to take him there. All the stories I have read about helmets assured me that we would not regret making this decision.
Rather than sit around feeling sad about yet another thing I cannot control with my son I’m going to take some ‘before photos’ of his head and hope like heck we haven’t left it too late to make a difference. I really pray and hope in 6 months’ time I will have photos of a newly round head!!