On Tuesday my very little boy is 10 weeks old. Wahoo, longer sleeps and a super exciting trip home to meet his grandparents in New Zealand for the first time! Nanny and Pop’s Skype sessions would become real cuddling time! But all this excitement is on hold, he is still not growing well and the paediatrician has advised us not to go as she is still not happy with his growth.
The doctor said ‘but don’t cancel anything yet, I’ll reassess in 10 days’.
OMG the waiting, not to mention the calling to see how to get 3,000 euro (which I still haven’t paid off) in flights back if we have to cancel. Argh the stress! but we are keeping busy going back and forth to the hospital.
Next week we have the regular physio session, speech therapist (bottle feeding doctor), the dietician and an ultra sound on his head. Apparently whilst the skull is still soft you can ultra sound it to see if there is anything causing the slow growth. We need to see a throat, nose and ear doctor to find the cause of his laboured breathing. We are still feeding him via a feeding tube too. We are also still waiting on allergies and genetic testing results as well. Our lives are all about the hospital visits now!
My husband is struggling with this setback. He is always positive and was expecting good news when we went back for a follow up appointment with the paediatrician. He was super upset when we heard he wasn’t on track. He even cried to a colleague we bumped into in the hospital waiting room! He is also bummed about the possibly of not going to NZ as he tells everyone it is the most beautiful country in the world.
Personally, I am in two minds about going home. On the one hand, I’m excited to see my parents and will actually look forward to English conversations! On the other hand, I don’t want to put Thomas at risk flying 30 hours home. I haven’t visited my home town in 7 years and even that was passing through. Since that time it has been destroyed by an earthquake and it continues to shake almost weekly. Lasts night’s quake was 4.4 on the Richter scale. Dad said it wasn’t so bad as he didn’t hear it and nothing fell off the shelves.
My kiwi roots have blessed me with a non-emotional personality. It’s fair to say my husband and I are complete opposites. Maybe we balance each other out? It is especially distressing to note that I have taken to crying. Specifically when a nurse or doctor offers help or delivers tough news. I am becoming overly sensitive and anxious. This is so not cool and definitely not like me. I drew on my cyberchondriac side and googled post natal depression. Holy shit, I’m ticking all the symptoms, -anxious, crying, no family here, etc.. all except one… ‘Do I imagine dark thoughts about harming my baby ?’ -heck no! Phew, Ok I’m going to classify these feelings as overly hormonal brought on by stress and worry over my sons health.
So I’m waiting again. All I can do is continue with the doctors advice. I’m doubling Thomas’ formula so his milk resembles PVC glue and he stays home to conserve energy. My only outings with Thomas seem to be to the hospital every other day!