When visitors came to the house to view our new baby I would often get asked if Thomas was a hell baby. Umm, this was an odd question I thought, he can cry and be fussy but he isn’t the baby from hell? Then I realised they were using the verb ‘huilen‘ which means ‘to cry’. Huil babies are a thing, whether hell babies are not. According to my Dutch baby book the definition of a ‘huil baby’ is a baby that cries for more than 3 hours a day. Sometimes they cry the whole day when they are not sleeping. -Crap that is a baby from hell!
It’s not until after you have had the baby that people recount their hell baby stories to you. It’s rather like the difficult birth stories you get whilst pregnant. I have noticed Fathers are more forthcoming in this information.
“Our baby cried so much we took him back to the hospital for tests and we didn’t want him back”. Or the doozy I was told last night.. “One of the twins was 900 grams at birth, therefore he needed to be fed 10cc every hour for 9 months long, my wife got post natal depression”.
Mothers on the other hand have managed to forget their difficult babies and much like child birth have buried it deep in the memory vaults.
Men and women have different ways to give advice for your new baby. I work in an office and my husband in a factory. Female office workers advice is vastly different to fatherly advice on the factory floor.
Office: Trust your instincts, you will know when to pick them up, how to get them to sleep, how and when to give them tummy time etc.
Factory: Set a routine and stick to it, you don’t want a spoilt kid.
Office: You will come to understand their cries and what they need.
Factory: Let them cry it out, you don’t want a spoilt kid that has you come running whenever they cry.
Office: Don’t worry about exercise afterwards its not as important as your baby, you will lose the baby weight eventually.
Factory: My wife’s arse has never been the same after the baby.
I cant believe my husband told me that last one! It is made worse by the use of the word ‘wife’. You don’t want to be someone’s wife in Holland. (Wife is a derogatory word here.)
After all the advice, I’m going to side with the office mums and trust my instincts in most situations. I am thanking the stars I don’t have a hell baby as it gives me 30 minutes here and there to myself. Maybe I’ll do some squats 😉