One good thing about being pregnant is that I have turned from an anxious person to one that is more relaxed. I am noticing things that previously used to bother me are not an issue anymore. Public speaking used to send me into a flap for days, even weeks! Now I can be one of those relaxed speakers.. Heck I even facilitated a workshop over 5 countries and presented my desktop today. Not a problem! I’m so proud of myself.
Perhaps it was my caffeine habit, perpetuated by Dutch hospitality that gives you free access to coffee everywhere, (even in the supermarket) that made me on edge? Now that I have seriously cut back on coffee, maybe it has made me more relaxed?
Maybe it’s the fact that having a baby means you can’t control everything, I just need to quietly accept the unknown, and that I can’t control when and how it is going to happen. I think this reluctance acceptance has influenced the way I feel about work and other ‘anxiety causing’ situations.
One thing that isn’t that great about pregnancy is that I feel more vulnerable. I’m glad the vulnerability doesn’t lead to anxiety, this is because you can control the situations in where you feel vulnerable.
For example, I used to do a lot of exercise that involved running or cycling on my own in a forest. Now I’m not a fast runner by any means, picture a slow jogger with a messed up jogging style, it’s pretty ugly to see! However, I could always rely on the fact that if I was on a trail by myself I could always pick up the pace and run from danger. (mainly cows!)
Whilst on my own yesterday, walking through the trails at my painfully slow pregnancy pace, I heard some noises but there was no one around for kilometres. I realized how alone and vulnerable I was. I can’t just pick up my legs and run to the nearest path, it makes me laugh trying to imagine me waddling away from danger! But should I stop doing exercise because of potential unlikely dangers?
My vulnerability has been heightened due to my sense of responsibility. Whoa..I’m going to be a Mum in less than 2 months! So for now my ‘alone walks’ in the forest have been curtailed.
I am even thinking a little bigger, My car needs a service and I need winter tyres. Yes responsible parents make their cars safe.
Why stop there? We were going to Belgium this weekend for our annual ‘Christmas market shopping in a cute village’ trip. I love Belgium, it is only an hour away but they just seem to have better food, chocolate, waffles, frites and beer there! So it took a lot for us to say, no. Thanks to a select few evil people in the world we are not going to Belgium. Responsible parents know when to sacrifice their fun for safety.
So this weekend I’m going to Dusseldorf Christmas market, I’ll eat curry-wurst, salivate over mulled wine and raise my caffeine free coffee and toast to ‘Responsibility’.