I’ve learnt a couple of things this week about how long it takes to grieve and when sadness will surface when you least expect it. Last week my cat went missing again, (yes I have blogged about this before, the cat is an adventurer) so I didn’t want to ‘cry wolf’ about it again to others, we kept it to ourselves. Except the Facebook plea to the neighbors to bring her back if they see her. I checked all the usual places and had no luck in finding her.
The first night we had a cry and went to bed with a wee bit of hope that she might return in the night. No such luck, the cat bowls were untouched and the familiar furry rub against our ankles was glaringly absent at breakfast. I called home 3 times whilst at work to check if she was there. Nothing. My all day workshop turned into a trial of self composure and whilst I looked somewhat ok from the outside I had an inner turmoil that was threatening to surface. As soon as I could leave I ran to my car and cried. This turned into that ugly cry complete with all sorts of sounds and snorts. I carried on like this the whole drive home. – 1 hour and stuck in traffic beside great big trucks that probably wondered what the psycho lady next to them was crying about!
Now if you know me, this is very unlike me. I am normally emotionless and very hard to read. ( thanks to my NZ non-touchy-feely upbringing!) I arrived home and cried whatever was left into my husband who exclaimed that he had not seen me like this, ever. Not even during my 4 miscarriages. The penny dropped. Was the cats tangible disappearance the trigger for an outpouring of emotion? Probably. How can I compare the loss of a cat with the loss of a baby? The cat has physically been by my side through a shit time and the physical absence for me was enough for me to think of all the hurt all over again.
Just as I was about to lose all hope and go to bed, we received a Facebook message from a neighbor we don’t know, stating ‘I think your cat was rescued from a neighbors roof about 5 minutes ago by a fireman’. 2 seconds later the cat flap opened and she arrived like nothing had happened. She wasn’t even cold after 2 days stuck on a roof! Arrggh if only she knew what worry she caused us!
During this week, maybe because of the cat stress, I had bad reflux. Most women have this right before they deliver but I have managed to suffer this from the start of the 2nd trimester. Here’s my tips on avoiding it.
1. Never eat cheesy pizza, no matter how good your Italian colleagues say it is.
2. Don’t bend over to tie your shoe laces after a spot of power walking.
3.Don’t bend over to take photos of mushrooms, even if they are purple.
4. Don’t ever sit/lie on the corner bit of the L shaped couch. Especially after a meal.
5.spend an extraordinarily long time standing and doing the dishes after a meal.
6. Don’t drive the car or cycle over cobblestones.
7. Don’t eat chocolate cookies after exercise.
8. Don’t crouch and play games with the cat because you feel sorry for her not being outside. She will be a house-cat, forever.