Half way -nearly.

I am nearly 20 weeks pregnant.  This pregnancy I am lucky compared to some.  I’m not sick and I’m feeling pretty energetic right now.   However mentally I would say I’m scared as f*%k! This is the 5th pregnancy and the first to make it past 14.3 weeks.  I have an understanding midwife who lets me go in for scans whenever I feel I need it.  I think I have had 8!  They think the less stressed I am the less stressed the baby is, so they schedule me in when I get bit psycho.

I haven’t tried the 4d scan yet as I’m a little weirded out by the images and the whole industry here.  In my local scan place (part of a lady’s house) you can buy packages.  30 euro for a gender reveal, 45 for gender and photos… Up to 90 euro for videos and the works.  I am not even sure if the scan people have any medical training.  I’m going to wait for the anatomy scan at the hospital instead of doing a package deal in someone’s garage!

I’m nearly 1/2 way to the birth… Funny how I can’t think past that moment.  I have not let myself visualize myself actually with a baby.  Maybe it’s naive but maybe I’m keeping barriers up in case something bad happens? 

I find myself constantly comparing my ‘no bump’ with other pregnant women and trying to guess how pregnant they are.  I just look fat and most people wouldn’t even know I’m pregnant!  So much for having a basketball bump, I think I’m doing the sideways thing.  I am also obsessively reading birthing stories.  It’s a horrible new hobby that can only grow more manic the closer I get to the to the new year!  I’m going to be at the midwife’s every week at this rate! 

Out of the 100 or so women with a birthing story about 5 actually say, ‘you know what, it was hard work and painful, but I’m glad I had him/her naturally.’  This led me to read a lot about natural home births without drugs.  Now I have total respect for those superwoman but I know already I want pain relief.  Then I considered that some hospitals here don’t have a doctor that can give an epidural after hours.  Therefore I researched an elective cesarean.  Most people I know laboured for hours and then after 10 or so hours the doctor decided for various (good) reasons they should have a ceaserean.   Why would I bother with the labour and the possibility of not getting an epidural when I can just book in a day to have the baby out?

My sister was delivered feet first.  My mother recounted the birth like it was yesterday, it was clearly traumatic.  She said as she felt the tearing she passed out and woke up to a nurse sitting beside her.  The nurse said ‘congatulations it’s a girl!’  To which my mother replied ‘have I had a baby?’ 

My birthing story was worse than my sisters.  My mother had a placenta previa.  I think this is where the placenta covers the cervix, tears and causes severe bleeding.  My mother was in hospital for 9 weeks with me and had 9 blood transfusions, (12 depending on the day she recounts the story).  My mother can’t recall a thing about the birth and preferred to nap instead of meeting her newborn.  Skin to skin contact was not a ‘thing’ back then. My dad was also waiting in the corridor as fathers weren’t allowed in the birthing room! 

I have no idea whether the birth your mother has is an indication of what you are in for.  My mother is advising that I need to try naturally.  I have no idea why.   I’m going to keep reading stories and have a long conversation with the Gynaecologist.


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